FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Randomize
