I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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