they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
