I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
