Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
