You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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