Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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