This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
