one two three fourrrrnication!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
