Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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