life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
