If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
