so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
