I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
