I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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