I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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