That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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