Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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