I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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