Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
