I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
