He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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