Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
