My underwear smells like fireworks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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