Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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