if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
