Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
