doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
