Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
