she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
