He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
