So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
