I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
