dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
