omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
