dude i'm inner monologue high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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