I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
