So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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