is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
