She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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