hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
