I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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