Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
