we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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