new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do vagina's smell?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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