My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
