someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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