I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i may or may not be watching the land before time
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
