I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
