you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
