in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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