i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
